island girls in the house!

race against the machine

The problem with building dreams is that as I am writing and planning it down, someone is else is out there, actually doing it! What does one do with great dreams? When do I say, stop, it is not possible, or go on, everything’s possible if I want it to happen? There’s no one to encourage me and keep me to my dreams but there is also no one to pull me down back to earth.
Hay- I could go on and on with my excuses. Thing is, friends who know me well, know that I don’t accept excuses, I don’t make excuses and I sure as hell don’t want to live my life making excuses. Pffsh. As if I’m not busy and stressed enough. Hay never na, kaya ko ito.

I haven’t gotten around to making my new year’s resolutions. Yes, I still make them- I make resolutions all the time, new year or not. Since my new job last October, it has been a whirlwind of new things to learn, great new expectations and a great deal of responsibility. At times overwhelming but I always tell myself that everything happens for a reason- both the good and the bad. I just realized that most of the stress and anxiety I’ve had the past months was mostly due to putting off things and issues. Now I’ve learned that there truly is a time and place for everything- and everyone. I’ve learned not to say yes to everything and instead really pare it down to basics- I cannot please everyone and not be everything to everybody. At the same time, I learned that people are really selfish in nature- we are, after all, always looking out for ourselves but it takes a special grace to be able to transcend that, what with all our personal difficulties, to actually be selfless and help others.

So for now, here’s my new year’s wish for everyone:
1- Patience
2- The grace of selflessness
3- Hope
and dahil dapat may Ms.U na answer-
4- Love
~tarush!

christmas family tree

return of the comeback

The trip back to Cebu was one for the books- ala Amazing Race ito!
I had to host our office Christmas party last Friday and had a flight to catch that same night, not to mention the usual last minute things that people never seem to tire of. Is it just me or were we all running 'round like headless chickens?

The party was so much fun, too bad I really couldn't get into the mood since my mind and half of my ass was already on the way to the airport. Friday night+rush hour+Chrismas frenzy = panic mode. So here I was, all glammed up and trying to make chika to my long-time crush of all seasons, and I had to freakin' leave! Aaargh! He is just so gorgeous and smart, and sporty and nice, and artistic, and... and... hay.
Anyways, Anna and I went off to the MRT and lugged our (*ehem, MY) things and hauled our asses all the way to Taft station, met up with Kuya Al and we were merrily on our way to the airport, where, surprise, surprise! We all checked in as effortlessly as seasoned jetsetters.
The bigger news, however, was shoti winning the grand prize in the idol gig and whoopee! we get to share in the basket of goodies hehe. So proudness and kilig- shoti is now officially a celebrity! woohoo!

And now, am back in Cebu for a few days and it seems the same but not quite the same, it seems like I'm home but I'm not, it seems like I'm welcome but I'm not.

headless chicken

this is what i look like, running 'round like a headless chicken...whee. fun

taga-benta for a day!

...or two, or three

and maybe for the future?!

nooneenoo...

shirts, pants, or me?! :)

good times.

what it feels like

feeling lost even if i am home
seeing the truth, once again
even if i thought i've forgotten
how to
pushed back
in a place and time when
pain was more welcome
than pleasure
it feels like morning and midnight
all at the same time
it seems like you know
and see my soul
yet you choose not to recognize
it is knowing and thinking
and yet
not speaking of things
that we know as truth
and hide behind these masks
facades of joyful uncertainty

this, i know to be my truth
and my fallacy
my reality
until the time comes
for you to choose to stay
this is what
it feels like

bazaar II, day 2

christmas getting nearer...
list getting longer.


aack!

so much for starting my christmas shopping in september. pffsh.

i dream of

obscurity
invisibility
being ignored

needing someone
more than
they need me

because all this supergurl schtick
is getting quite old

and people don't believe me

and i'm tired of being serious
i don't want to be that girl
i don't want to grow up to be like her

bagay sa akin ang kulot***

did and re-did my hair...
fresh from the stylist's chair, who has blown my hair into the requisite long, shiny straight locks...

at shoti's birthday dinner, with friends. this is so not me.

and with some editing of the bangs, voila! is more like it :)

mathematics engerts

me, in a crazy, fuming mad state over a friend's distress at this jerk of a guy:
girl, two words- what for?!
no, it's three words- what the f*ck for?!

shoti, best in math, circa 3rd grade, with a rock to prove it:
eh, 4 words un eh!

hey! it's the thought that counts! sheesh :D

fun.

and in other news...

Daily singles love (by Astrology.com)-What your love life needs is some pointless adventure. So go out with someone you know is all wrong for you, but who is ever so charming and adorable. What's life without a little mischief? (Answer: extremely dull.)

duh. ano pa nga ba. bad boys are hard to quit on.

woohoo- ladies, let this be your anthem ;)

(irreplaceable- beyonce)
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So since I’m not your everything
How about I'll be nothing
Nothing at all to you baby
I wont shead a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy

revenge of the nerds

the most exciting thing that happened to my life this week was being in the library.
that, in itself, is exciting enough because nerd that i am, i love being in one.

but what about being in a kick-ass school with a gorgeous library and being in a scene right out of a meg-ryan movie?

hyper.

and in other news...
suddenly, i'm so tired that my eyes reflect back everything as grainy.
my eyes struggle to be awake and my whole body aches.

i wish to sleep but when i wake the world hasn't stopped spinning.

something's wrong with this picture.

coffeeangel

coffeesoul

aaack!

whaat? what did i get myself into this time?!.


hay.

In Fairview...

"This is more than about money because money can only buy you food and things like that, but only beauty can feed your soul and your spirit," said Marcos, wearing a chunky blue brooch and matching earrings.

http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=worldNews&storyID=2006-11-06T125836Z_01_MAN13756_RTRUKOC_0_US-PHILIPPINES-IMELDA.xml&WTmodLoc=IntNewsHome_C2_worldNews-7

i just got my new calling card...
it should make me happy, giddy even, because i've worked hard for it.
duh- not the calling card, but to get me where i am.
it should.
but...

oh am just pms-ing, i think.

and i've been wanting to cry over the past couple of days
because of stuff (non-work)
but i stop myself

because i don't want to get puffy eyes.
it doesn't go with smokey eyes and the reflex FA-smile.

under the looking glass

if you look hard enough
you ought to find diamonds in the rough
tiny specks they may be

if you remember way back enough
you remember something to smile about
and that there were
after all
good times

current addiction

is interior decorating my new room. god, i've been going around OurHome, Regalong Pambahay and all the nooks and crannies of furniture and house-stuff stores in search for the perfect items. wish ko lang ano to find the perfect items right up in the alley of my price range. let's face it, for me to recharge, get inspired and stay sane is to be in nice, healthy and happy surroundings with my own stamp on it. i love beautiful things (not necessarily expensive) and i need to be surrounded by the things that i love- art, music, literature and clothes. am working at it to be truly a resting place for me, albeit i'm sure not a forever place. that will come, that forever place, some day. for now, this one's just perfect. and yeah, i confess, i'm a closet martha stewart, pre-scandal please.

meet my neighbors- starbucks, mr.kabab, a 7-11 (where Archie comic books are only 100pesos!), a laundry shop and a short ride away to gimmick places. best of all, no curfew. hear that, people?! i am a certified grown up now. heeh.

a huge thank you to my loverly friends who helped haul all my stuff. good god, i realized my whole life fits into one car. pizza party after!...and yummy cold beer for the after-party ;)

and of course, what is me without a photo shoot

kamusta the oily faces...

kahit pagod at pawis, si tinkerbell ay japanice as ever

philipboi, sali ka, dali!

eh gusto naming subject ang fan eh.

wa-huh? we're not in kansas anymore, toto!

laica in ruins. ha. yummee reward for a job well done!

just you guys wait 'til the AFTER pictures are posted ;)

teacher! teacher! why...

do dreams hurt?
do we need to fight?
do we fear to speak the truth?
do things have turn for the worst before they get better?
do you think things will get better?

i think it's called faith, my child. faith even as you fear that you have none.

keys me

i have four new keys.

i took on new job/title and got two keys for the new office and that fingerprint thingamajig.

i moved to a new place and i have two keys for the house.

well, who said i wasn't itching and restless for a change?
someone up there must love me, somehow.

psst...

things i've learned today:

1. nakakapagod pala maging happy ano?
because in one way or another, you
a: get scared of falling back down to earth.
b: feel you don't deserve to be and
someone's going to plug out the hole and suck it all down the drain.
c: think you're ok when you're actually not.

2. if knowing what i want and working to get it makes me a bitch, then so be it.
(from dear 'ole madge, who am quoting because that is what exactly i feel right now)

3. too much sleep is not good.

yun lang-- issues, issues, issues.

Reese Witherspoon, Ryan Phillippe Split!

http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=239710&GT1=7701

aaw, that's so sad! does this mean that ryan got tired of being reese's arm candy when she was winning awards left and right? hmm...

the road to success...

is paved with sweet, shiny
lip gloss.

somekinda holiday, no?

i have never been this intimate with divisoria and the surrounding areas.

magkano 'to?
singkwenta po.
shoti in stage whisper: anong singkwenta?

'ma, saan pong daan papuntang ylaya?
ah, diretso lang, tapos kakanan.
me in stage whisper: anong kanan ulit?

patay.

and in between hauling things and hauling ass, this is somekinda NOT restful holiday weekend.

remembering chupets days

one of the greatest concerts i ever attended back in college.

he is so crush-able!

http://www.philstar.com/philstar/PEOPLE200610238001.htm

i'm naming my future kid basti.

my life's song

one of, at least...
-----
How many special people change? How many lives are living strange?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova in the sky
Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams, she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Beacause we don't believe
That they're gonna get away from the summer
But you and I will never die
The world's still spinning around we don't know why, why, why

oh no~can this be any more booboo?

http://www.newyorker.com/talk/content/articles/061023ta_talk_paumgarten http://news.yahoo.com/s/huffpost/20061016/cm_huffpost/031800
picasso must be turning in his grave but well, it does put things into perspective :P

can i just say

that guys in white shirts are really so cute. there is just something about them...heeh.

Happiness in an Age of Discontent

When did happiness get complex?

When I was a child, happiness meant getting my stash of Archie comic books
and reading it while lying on a bamboo hammock under an old iba tree.
First it was Archie comics then Sweet Dreams
and then Sweet Valley Twins and High
the pretense of adulthood sending us into fits of giddy delight.
Happiness meant completing my Rainbow Brite sticker book
and finding out the meaning of those words on grown-up books;
it meant eating chocolate and getting some
smudged on old condensed Reader's Digest volumes,
leaving the pages with a faint whiff of sweets.

I would skip to my best friend's house, as soon as I got the go-signal
to spend a weekend, getting to play those then-hi-tech word games.
It meant arriving to my ballet and jazz classes on time,
nabbing the part of the swan and then playing afterwards
at an old dictator's palace pool and being brave enough
to eat a santan's sweet flower sap.
Happiness meant dancing pas de deux and perfecting pirouettes
on old library parquet floors, gazing up
imagining a prince behind that red velvet curtain.

It meant getting up early on weekends and in the summer,
struggling into my leotards, catching my ride to dance class
and then theater.
"Eyebrows up, smiles wide, stand tall"
Getting into auditions, getting the part.

Happiness meant being sent to places, vacations,
eating Dunkin' Donuts ham and cheese sandwiches with hot chocolate in airports;
and in airports still, riding bikes, flying kites, hot sun burning bright on the tarmac
and then resting up for planes landing and taking off.

Happiness meant drinking Chocolait in glass bottles,
squirting Brown Cow onto cornflakes and on my fingers,
getting stickers from Maggie noodles,
watching Grease 1&2 and Pirates everyday after school.
It was eating peanut butter sandwiches
and iba doused with sugar while reading,
new coloring books, getting soaked by water guns, weekend beach trips.

Happy days were made of birthday parties and getting gifts,
getting socks full of candies on the Feast of the Three Kings.
Until now, the smell of newly-laundered socks fills me,
the squishy, squeaky-clean feel of it.
It was getting a complete set of crayons,
yes- the ones with gold and silver and the special sharpener on the box.
It meant having lots of pencils to sharpen and new, nifty school gadgets.

Happiness meant my youth with timeless, infinite possibilities,
the arrogance, invincibility of youth, the presumption that I can.

Since when did happiness get complicated?

Since you realize that the world doesn't stop and hold your hand while you catch your breath,
it isn't after all, at your feet and everything isn't truly yours for the taking
but have to be earned- blood, sweat, tears, fears and prayers.

Since patience became a requirement, not an exceptional attribute,
that though you realize money doesn't buy happiness,
it pretty much facilitates your foray into the deep, dank pits of depression
should you happen to sorely lack it.

Happiness now isn't only sharing affinities for Saturday morning cartoons,
dreams and making friends just because.
Happiness gets complicated when everything you thought important suddenly doesn't matter anymore.
When choosing your own adventures aren't now limited to books.
When, suddenly,
after the dress rehearsal that was your childhood,
you're now thrust onstage, klieg lights on you
and you have to play your role the best that you can,
when your everyday moments all snowball into this.

Happiness
now means catching your breath, finding your space.
Someone to hold your hand while crossing the street.

amazing grace

When it rains, it pours.

Despite my occasional whine-y ingratitude, I have been recently blessed with a lot. In the face of trouble and seemingly endless situations of doom and gloom, here I am, with my plate AND glass more than full, it puts a professional glutton to shame.

So for the first time in many, many years, I am standing still, as still as I could be.
For those who truly know me, digital as I am, I cannot bear NOT to plan.

But now- No more 5 years after, no plan A, B, B-1, B-2...
Not just yet at least.

For once, I can say I could not ask for more and truly mean it. Oh yeah, imperfections abound, but my point is, I choose to love what I have right now. And it is easy to choose because it is here, right here and now.
On my lap, staring at my nose, in the palm of my hand.

And life is pretty damned great.

I won’t wish for this to last a long time.
I’ll just take what I can and enjoy the ride.
Is this as good as it gets?
Hell, no, not if it were up to me.

and in other news:

The new gig I’ve been offered officially starts in a couple of days and I’ve started turning over work to the current team. My gas! I realized that I’m actually turning over 5-years’ worth of HR work and being such a cry-baby, I welled up in the middle of an email to them. Pffsh. Hormones talaga.

This new gig- a lot of people have been asking, aren’t you scared? Hah. Honestly, the thought, when I allow it to, overwhelms me. When I allow it to, the huge and looming responsibility scares the wits out of me, but my first response to the question would also be truthfully, No. I am not scared. No, am not trying out to be Supergirl and am not trying to be haughty and arrogant. I do sometimes have to scream in my head, kaya ko ba ito?!
But people don’t see that-it’s just the way I am, since the beginning. They get me to talk in front, meet people, they push me in front for group projects, make me talk to intimidating people, and I can. Because I truly think that there’s nothing to be scared of, save for when you’re doing something wrong. I mean, they are still regular people, apart from the fact that these are leaders. It’s not a big deal.

So for the past week, I’ve been in a limbo, until I can get everything up and running by next week.

Sometimes, I really love changes, the good ones, and the butterflies-in-the-tummy I get.

And as soon as one embraces the new, one has to say ciao to the known safety of days gone by.

rx: retail therapy?

"The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of."
–Holly Golightly, Breakfast At Tiffany's

So here I am with more than enough to be thankful for- a job that I like, doing what I love to do (writing and events), in an organization not perfect but I believe in, great friends that make my days, getting to do most of the things I want to do, moving to a new and nicer place, family in ok health- everything that I prayed for seems to be falling into place, slowly but surely. That should make for happy-doodle days, right?

Not exactly.

It’s either I am so PMSing or something is fundamentally wrong with me.

I am actually scared that I don’t deserve all these. That one day, all of these will be swept up from under my feet like a rug. And of course, there’s the matter of wanting to be in love again. Such a party pooper. And why am I still thinking about that fumbled attempt of something-something? Note to self: not worth it, sweetie. You've done all you could. Trust myself to believe in someone so easily. Man, where has my inner Pollyanna gone? Is it a sign of getting old, or has cynicism finally taken a grip? Oh as usual, there are the good and the bad days. This weekend was bad and my time for sulking and moping is done. Until the next session then. Cheerios!

This neurosis is brought to you by Nine West and the need for retail therapy.

Can’t wait to see Toshio with his espasol complexion again. Annapots says, kebatabata pa, nag-chinchansu na. This should be fun.

cartoony saturday

watched barnyard with anna last saturday, in another spontaneous run to the movies. as usual, we were only one of the few big kids there and as usual, we laughed loudest. we really give these kids a run for their money. paging nickelodeon and disney channel- ever think of expanding your market?

funny: in the bus we saw erm..inappropriate graffiti signifying the...erm... urgency for a partner. wonder what's their success rate? har-har.

funnier: ung isang dad, tinatakot ung little girl nya and we were laughing so hard. bad.

funniest: may cameo role si cuyuitog- ang swabeng kumanta! in love na si anna tuloy.

i swear, cartoons on a silly saturday is the best anti-sad therapy.

gimme some salt and pepper!

my baby iPod is now officially spewing out song after song... he's so bloated from all the songs i like...am editing and paring down stuff that i can live without. hay- it is so difficult! how can i NOT have a soundtrack to everything from doing the laundry to doing happy gigs?! sa oldies pa lang, ang dami na.
used to say i could never fit in 500 songs, not possibly 500, come on! i never did get why people need to spend money on a thingamajig that has 2,000++ songs... how can you ever listen to them all?!

so now, brown cow. i'm miss foot-in-mouth, pleased to meet you.

waaah!!! i need a new gadget...pffsh.

happy weekend everyones and all.

and i look younger! ha!

You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

if i ruled the world

everyday will feature a different color and soundtrack.
fridays will be pizza and pasta days.
pistachio and mint choco chip ice cream for kids of all ages.
we’ll start building playgrounds, not malls and ugly buildings.
nobody will be alone on rainy days.

cheese-miss

wala lang, hindi naman valentine's ano, but this one's a sweetie :)

shots of hope

annapots to me, 10.7.06 9.49 am
" i want to be the girl he's scared to lose, the one he can't walk away from knowing i'm mad at him, the one whom he can't fall asleep without my voice being the last one he hears, the one he wouldn't know what to do without and simply the girl he has repeatedly said to his self and to other people, she's the one..."

me to annapots, 10.8.06 5.39 pm
"i want someone who, when he says my name, will feel safe in his mouth, in his voice. someone who will take my pictures and see the real me, capture my light because he knows me, really, truly knows me..."

what now?

I never spent the sunset with you
Nor have I seen the sunrise
Never got that promise
Nor have I sent out my own

I needed to see those yellow flowers
To smell the unscented
Soft petals
Soft, innocent and free

I dreamt of uncomplication
Hopeful, happy
Yellow petals
Holding dreams closer

antidote to boredom

Tag, I'm it...

What time do you get up?
On a workday, 6.30ish- hitting the snooze button until 7.30. On weekends, as late as noon.

If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?
M.Night Shyamalan- but I don’t think he does lunch.

Gold or silver?
Both- but I look better with gold, because of my skin color.

What did you have for breakfast?
an apple and a sandwich

Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
Waaaah!!!!
I could name a few… sheesh...
An ex, a whatever and a plankton.


What/who inspires you?
Art and literature.
Photography.
Music.
Travel.
Love.

Beach, City or Country?
beach bum baby!

Favorite ice cream?
Pistachio and mint choco chip

Butter, plain or salted popcorn?
Butter, unsalted

Favorite color?
Purple and green

Favorite sandwich?
BLT on ciabatta bread

What characteristic do you despise?
Flaking, inconsistency, insensitivity

Favorite flower?
White lilies and that shrub that sprouts yellow plain ones

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Maldives!
and Spain

What color is your bathroom?
White… soon to be… white again, I think

Favorite brand of clothing?
Vintage! Mix and match, mostly. Hate looking like everyone else.

Where would you retire to?
As long as I’m dreaming?
New York, Singapore or Spain.
Or Davao.

Favorite day of the week?
Saturday

What did you do for your last birthday?
Dinner and coffee with friends

Favorite sport to watch?
Tennis, gymnastics

What fabric detergent do you use?
Ariel

Coke or Pepsi?
Coke Light

Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Night owl

What is your shoe size?
Tiny! 5- 5 and a half

Do you have any pets?
My friends. Haha.

Who made these questions, anyways?!
Damn, am still sleepy. Ho-hum...tick tock...5 more minutes...

movie weekend

(Old) movies I saw this weekend: I rarely do technical reviews because I just want to enjoy the movie and the story and not having to think about how the filmmakers did the job. Or not. Mostly.

1. Elizabethtown- First of all, I've never been that much into Orlando Bloom. I felt that he was all hype-pretty boy-no substance. But now, wow. The film was a grown up's coming of age, if there was such a thing. For all the hype that quarter-life crisis gets, this one has the prettiest view and has got the coolest soundtrack. You can never go wrong tap-dancing with Moonriver. Cameron Crowe’s film has always been known for its music- think Almost Famous, Jerry Maguire, Vanilla Sky. It has been written that when he does scripts, he also has a notebook filled with all the songs that should go into the movie. I can’t wait to get the soundtrack. Some really good lines: It takes time to be funny. It takes time to extract joy from life and I'm hard to remember, but I'm impossible to forget.
2. Million Dollar Baby- I knew this was a great movie, something that I should be watching at leisure, unhurried, relaxed and not too depressed that I’d want to jump off my rooftop, so never that this is a 2004 film. Sure enough, in the wee hours of Saturday morning, I was bawling my eyes out under the full moon. Hay. Grabe, it magnified all my insecurities, smallness and feeble attempts at excuses for not living life. It (the movie, not me- haha) was sad, yet hopeful, painful to watch at times but very realistic. It tells of beginnings, endings, and every struggle that goes on in between. The story was of having passion, having heart and realizing your dreams- much like the Cowardly Lion of Oz. Of having spirit even while others are determined to crush it, of feeding your inner strength when all else seems to fail and go wrong. And of knowing when to lose gracefully, because anyone can lose one fight. It also taught me that some of the best ways of fighting is to actually step back, but still remembering that stepping back too far means you ain’t fighting at all. Toughness and inner strength doesn’t mean always fighting, being at the top. Its knowing when to let go, it is knowing and choosing your battles. Screenwriter Paul Haggis (who also wrote and directed Crash) did a great job- I liked this movie better than Crash. This movie, by the way, was from one of the stories in Rope Burns, by FX Toole.
3. Pride and Prejudice- Mr. Darcy was gorgeous! Heeh. There isn’t much you can do with a classic, but I super loved Matther MacFayden’s Mr. Darcy. I think he’s even better than Colin Firth, am sorry. Hmm… someday I shall find my Mr. Darcy :)
4. In Her Shoes- very good story, great acting by Toni Collette and Cameron Diaz doing what she does best in a ditzy-blonde role with a proper turnaround. Mark Feuerstein’s Simon character was sweet. I loved him when he was ordering sushi for Rose and he talks about bringing her to this other place and knowing exactly what to get and then he says- you’ll want to eat with me for the rest of your life. My goodness- there’s nothing sexier than a guy who knows what he wants. Heeh :) The movie also featured a lovely poem by ee cummings: I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart.
5. Walk The Line- Reese Witherspoon has long been one of the nicest, luckiest and most talented actresses in Hollywood- she’s got Ryan Philippe and two kids and a great career! I read she was handpicked to play June Carter and her proper Southern accent was really cute. The true to life story was so inspiring, how June Carter really stuck by her man. It was a love reluctantly given since she knew that Johnny Cash had problems but anyone could see they were so meant for each other. Come hell or high water- booze, drugs and the trappings of a rock star lifestyle, she stuck it out with him. Johnny Cash with his emotionally-bereft childhood needed her strength and June Carter is one woman of strength who also followed her heart. It was a wonderful story of redemption, of making mistakes, losing oneself and then finding your soul again after love has touched you. June Carter died in May 2003 and 4 months later, he followed. Interesting to note: among the admirers of Johnny Cash are The Beatles, Bob Dylan, U2, AND! Coldplay.
6. Constant Gardener- Really nice too, but nothing I can be too passionate about. I mean, it does inspire one to care beyond your world, with the things happening in Africa and the politics of UN. It does inspire also to make like Angelina Jolie :) But let’s face it, one can’t realistically do something that grand a scale and so goes the lesson- you can’t help change the world, you can’t help everybody, but there is always ONE you can help.
7. Y Tu Mama Tambien- OMG. This movie doesn’t do subtle. Enough said. Heeh :P
8. Fierce People- Super idiotic movie. It based it’s storyline on a tribe supposedly from South America…and suddenly I could understand what they were saying! They were talking in Tagalog! Nyikes! :P

I love my movie weekends :)

old habits die hard

pffsh.

sometimes the quiet can be
disquieting
even if my raucous laugh
thrills
shrills my ears

it never fills me the way
sadness and emptiness could

what ways do they know of my heart
when all they hear
is laughter

empty sounds
life void of meaning
searching, plunging
into the depths

soul catcher
be my dream

maybe

your words
should hold no meaning to me
but they do
surprisingly,
or not

you leave me bereft, suddenly
mystified but unsettled

and i shouldn't be asking questions
more than answers i want to hear

it is the questions i can't bear

:untitled, 10.4.06|2.30 am:

i tried to write your name
with the moonlight
believing that accidents happen for a reason
i am
skywalking
back into the places where i cry
i hide
i see, i leap into
skyswords and fall down into
floorstains

sweet stranger
i can only hope you look into my eyes
and see me
the self that i refuse to know
while all that fades away
from the indigo skies of a sunset
and the rain pelts down
in torrents
i wait.
impatiently.

koinkidink

do you believe in coincidences?
when somehow, everything you've done
and everything that has come to pass
were meant to happen

even if, for a time, you doubted so much
not even a semblance of hope remained
and yet, here i am. these days
living the fruits of serendipity
embracing once again hope
who i once called traitorous

how long should this last, i wonder.

milenyo @ punta fuego!

*video taken by jeff

what i wanna do for the rest of my life

water, water everywhere...

and not a stroke to swim!

calm, gorgeous weather before the storm

and a lot of lashing waves on that thursday

mindsetting: things to remember

Another serious post:

1. Never take things personally. It is not about you and who you are.
2. You first need to believe in yourself so that no matter what happens, you don't need them (or someone else) for affirmation and to feed your ego.
3. Work-life balance: learn when to STOP. Learn that you can only do so much in one day.
4. No looking back at childhood hurts- these do not, in any way help you and do not have bearing on who and what you are now- these, in fact, have helped you become stronger. These are not your current realities.
5. What is my current reality? That I am stronger, I have been through so many difficult things and yet I pulled through- better and more learned.
6. Remember Nietzsche- What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
7. Remember your purpose- to succeed so that you can (1) help and give back (2) and be able to live well.
What is living well for me?
Simply being able to afford doing what I love doing:
~to write
~to take pictures
~be inspired, to create
~travel and see the world

infallibility complex

Serious post alert.

I totally scrapped my previous attempts to write about my Davao and Laguna trips because it now seemed like eons ago.
I'm in Punta Fuego as I write this (sometime Sept. 26). A bit rainy and cloudy but still enjoying the smell and the sounds of the sea. Being here to work seems like such a small price to pay. Now if only I could get to go and swim now. By the way, Punta Fuego, for all it's exclusivity, isn't all that great. The terrain and the view was gorgeous but the service absolutely sucked. The food was horrible, people moved so slowly and it didn't seem like they were at all used to functions- which added to my headache. Gotta keep some people happy, which wouldn't have been too difficult, had I been project leader from the start. Pffsh...
oh oops...the cute Spanish chef was just introduced to me. haha.

Of work and stuff: I've been to an interview with a foreign but fairly new company and they've been wanting to pirate me for their HR operations. The offer's pretty good and funny thing was, just when I was about to accept, the current company is now offering me a new position. I've always said that any counter-offer would make me feel bad since I'd always think they'd offer it to me so I won't leave. But I haven't given notice yet- haven't even polished my resume and here comes another offer. God naman talaga o. When He answers my prayers, somekinda confusing pa. I bet He's having a good chuckle up there. Somekinda choose-your-own-adventure ito, because let's face it, this is the rest of my life (partly) am talking about.

Well, there's the good and the bad-there's friendships and the possibility of new ones. There's loyalty and familiarity and there's broadening to new horizons. And for both, there's the learning of something new and making mistakes along the way.
I wish there was a huge neon sign that says "This Way, dumdumb!" so I can make good decisions. I only want not only what is best for myself but for what I can do to help my family. After all, I don't only live for myself. Most of all, I really want to be where I am meant to be, where God wants me to be. I mean, I could never go wrong with that, right?
The most difficult part though is consistently letting go, surrendering everything. What with my controlling personality, I still have a long-ways to go.
So, now, knowing all that, do you think am at peace? Hah.
Well, I try.

tribute to fallen trees

casa san pablo,laguna
sunset
sept '06


punta fuego,batangas
before the storm
sept '06

shempre...

.....what? what?!

in other news...

on the car trip back to manila, i couldn't help but be astonished and amazed with the typhoon's destruction.
great shots of stuff i saw along the road:

and kawawa naman this big old tree, somewhere mckinley road. aside from the evacuees, i really pity the trees.

backslide

...kasi na-slide ako sa starbucks tagaytay! ay, never the shame, my butt and my hand is, once again, bruised and injured. i seem to be getting good at this miriam quiambao act. pffsh.

just came from batangas & punta fuego for the mancom thing.

more news and pictures up later.

looming ahead

are decisions to be made, changes to cope with, an event to manage and a whole lot of thinking. pffsh... i know i can overthink and the most challenging part yet right now is letting go and letting Him do all the work. trust, sweetie, trust and faith. hay.

i shall be off to punta fuego, one of the nicest places ever. i hope to take a lot of beautiful pictures, and hopefully, soul-searching. naks. never that am gonna be a glam-ified babysitter.

and yeah, i know, despite all that cynical hogwash, i am a sucker for love stories and happy ever afters.
congratulations to gracie and dennis, getting married tomorrow.
shucks, such grown ups now.

where i want to be

casa san pablo, laguna

sept. 14-15, 2006

my to-do list

this one's fun-ner to do, than "official" to-do lists.
september is officially the craziest month ever. i've got 3 drafts waiting to be published and 2 folders-full of unedited pictures.
and because am a geek,
here's my things to do before i get married ...
note that this isn't "before 30" list. one doesn't plan to get married and it doesn't have a timeline either, despite what other people say, and being 30 doesn't mean you have to. i was at dinner with friends last night and someone mentioned a "before 30" list and i remembered making this (in excel) from way back. some of the items though, i picked up in a magazine somewhere.
:) means i've gone and done it:

:) to leave the family home
:) an old love I can imagine going back to and one that reminds me of how far I've come
:) ask someone I like out!
:) to go bungee jumping
:) to go kayaking
:) to go rapelling - AGAIN & AGAIN & AGAIN!
:) to go snorkeling - AGAIN & AGAIN & AGAIN!
:) to put up my own website
:) to get another diploma/degree
a feeling of control over my destiny
a good piece of furniture not previously owned, not ready to assemble and delivered to my doorstep
:) a resume that is not even the slightest bit padded
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra
a youth am content to leave behind
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make my guests feel honored
enough money within my control to live on my own if I need to
how to always have the power of choice in everything
how to ask for what I want in a way that will most likely make me get it
how to fall in love without losing myself
how to fulfill my passions in life
how to figure out what my passions are
:) how to have a good time at a party I never chose to attend
how to quit a job, break up with a lover and confront a friend without losing the friendship
something perfect to wear when the employer or date of my dreams wants to see me in an hour
to go hiking and camping
to go scuba diving
to live abroad independently
travel alone to a really nice beach
what I can and can't accomplish in a day, a month and in a year
:) what I would and would not do for love and more
when to try harder and when to walk away
to get published by summitmedia books
to contribute for a magazine
to get my masters degree
to be ideally fit and healthy
to go backpacking through the world- one place at a time
learn a new language! Spanish, French or Italian?
to get my own place/condo
develop consistent self-honesty
exhibit works

McDonald's may sell breakfast all day: CEO

finally!

http://news.moneycentral.msn.com/provider/providerarticle.asp?feed=OBR&Date=20060920&ID=6038981

meanwhile...

in the cool news section:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14868186/site/newsweek/?GT1=8506

http://www.bumpenya.com/

davao pictures up

don't have the time for a lengthy entry, so here are some pics from my davao trip

the nuñez girls

low-la's 80th with some of the relatives

where it all began

sometimes lang no...

all it takes to destroy an otherwise perky day is some asshole making some kind of misplaced comment just to make himself feel better.

no matter how you think it shouldn't affect you, or that he doesn't know a freakin' thing about you. hindi naman tayo close ano. yun lang.

back to my music.

laguna loving

came from casa san pablo from a day and a half teambuilding. really great place. going back there again, for sure. can't wait.

more pictures to come, as soon as i fix this photos.ph thing.

chloe and me

in sepia, charcoal sketch

december 2005

looking through rose colored...windows

me, starring in my own movie called chuvaness

davao, sept 2006

is it terribly wrong

to want to be liked?
to want to have everything up and rose-y?

bili na!

methinks...

that i just might want to be with someone who is also creative, passionate, and a bit crazy like me.

never that i think there's going to be fireworks.

never that i think am going to go crazy over moodswings and that artistic temperament.

at least, maybe, we'd get along because we're weird together?

or! maybe i need somebody solid. un-complex.

someone who is fascinated by my weirdness, not threatened by my dreams.

hay. busy daw with work, o. eh ano naman. currently listening to APO kasi. cutie.

love is a silly, silly thing that you'll never think of doing
and all in a sudden little things have bigger meanings

hmm... i am suddenly giddy with love songs. i am unafraid again.

harassment case # 0003 series of 2006

juggling a teambuilding and a mancom stratplan, both out of town
major report on tardiness vs productivity. whut-ever that is.
training support on a merchandising course.
editing my resume because someone needs it asap
some discoveries on the home front, good and bad
missing someone i don't even have the right to miss and not even knowing why

pffsh.

good thing there's always my soundtrack.
music saves me.

noonee n. nano

welcome to my world, baby!
here's to geat times ;)

loving the sleek case, the photo slideshow, the games!, the smooth clickety-clack of the spin wheel,

the music i bring with me e-very-where.

ninang si anna.

there's a blue sky

Waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow, shining and shimmering
A blue sky waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow
Maybe it's all we need

Just got back from Davao. Shopping. Eating. Sleeping. More shopping. More sleeping. I napped! And then...
I made like someone who had to leave her lover for someplace else and looking out the plane window, crying. Truth is, I got a bit sad over leaving everyone else back there. I do have my own life here now but it felt good to reconnect with family and my childhood. Things aren't as simple as before and I am now, as it seems, "in the grown-up loop." I got to hear and talk about the good, the bad and the beautiful and the ugly in the family. The visit, as short as it was, really cleared a lot of things for me and gave me a bit of purpose.

If you saw a bunch of people laughing and talking loudly at the same time like a noisy Italian family, that we be us.

pffsh. tired.

and when you least expect to, monsters come alive. pffsh, the sequel.

welcome to flight 5J963...

bound for davao!

whew...
what a work week so far.

but ciao for now!

soulcatcher

picture in picture, on a black book annual somewhere off philcoa,

photoshopping with splatter effect

weekend in pics, part II: a bridal shower with a flower girl

my weekend in pictures: a rockfest concert and a fashion show