seer says

My heart's current state (or color): blue. Hmm... sana kahit green or purple. Apparently, my heart's in a state of blue because "you haven't found what you're looking for, in a man. you keep on searching but you haven't found him yet." But I like green. Or purple.

Anyhoo, it draws up a whole lot of other questions now, does it?

He's kind of right on this one, but I would like to think it's a nicer shade of blue now that I've clarified a whole lot of issues and so ready for newer, grander things. And to answer My's Ms.Coors question, the state of my heart is not quite full-on happy, but kilig happy. I have gotten my positive groove back again and it feels great- even if I am alone, I am truly not lonely. A talk with another friend validated my thoughts again as I turned to him, in the middle of noisy and smoky bar (of all places), You know, I realized that you really have to learn how to be happy alone- otherwise, how else can you be happy even if you’re with someone?

Now, this isn’t some eureka moment; rather a realization that dawned unto me as I am actually living my life the way I want to. There are so many things to do, to hope for and even if at times I would want to be with someone, friends fill in the gaps very nicely. Besides, I do go out with people, and it’s so refreshing not to force anything- that all-important spark, especially. (Believe me, been there, done that. When the guy’s really great as a person, great on paper, when everything seems to be right, but… it’s not. That’s when Meralco posts have more spark in them.) Isn’t it just so lovely to have the freedom to choose? Then again, you don’t choose love, I’d like to think that it creeps up on you unexpectedly. Hmm very ironic and I don’t think am making much sense here. When did the topic of love ever get uncomplicated? I think Tagore said it best, of love, when it is but an Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

The seer also said that Fire is my element, which is in conflict with my being a Pisces. Then he explains that it says a lot about my being passionate and impetuous. Right. That gets me into trouble every time. My cousin and I were talking about compatibility issues one night and we both theorized that my Pisces self needs a Taurus to anchor my flighty and head-in-the-clouds self. Hmm. Thinking back, maybe we were on to something there. Wish it could be that easy.

At the start of the year, I encouraged myself to be more open, to let more people in my life by way of trusting wisely and nurturing relationships. True, people have also disappointed and hurt me (a lot!) but that does not mean that I harbor regrets and grudges. The greatest, most difficult part here is to rise above the pettiness.