among other reasons

This is why I am still such a lucky girl, in spite of my neuroticism, my friends still get me. Perhaps they're as neurotic? So then, friendships are formed out of shared neuroses. Heh. Excerpts and things I learned from a chat with my same-age pseudo Kuya.

----------

Me: yeah, thanks, i know... i'm known to be impatient haha
Him: parehas tayo. and we just ended up na nahuhurt kasi we tend to give more than what we can and we expect other people to do that for us.

Him: In the same way, try to know him more. try to know his friends first and ask around about him. While I was talking to a friend last time. she has a good insight. She is a Psychology major at Ateneo she told me that good family background is very important.

Me: hehe are we being so idealistic?

Him: No we are not we just love to be in love in a very special way. Kasi kung Idealistic tayo hindi tayo nageexist in the first place. ha ha ha
Me: hahay such hopeless romantics haha
Him: correct. You dont need to feel that you are idealistic because there are about 4 billion people on earth though half of it are chinese and indians, there will always be one for us.
Me: haha mukhang indian naman tayo eh

-----------

Him: only you will be able to answer that. I want to say yes because its too obvious already but its only you who can say that
Me: i like your answer- that only i can answer that- because it's true. only i can answer that but i am kinda scared...like i could always ask but am scared of knowing the answer...
Me: hah, here i am, being wonderfully complicated
Him: Yup. ha ha ha. Just enjoy the moment my friend. This will die down soon unless you guys work on it. If I were you, talk to him. Ask more and you will receive more answer than just asking yourself. ha ha ha
Me: nyaaaay...am scared

Him: If it hurts or he gives you the answer you dont want to hear its ok at least you already asked
Me: hmm..cge i will...i might...i'll pray about it muna. haaay
Him: ano man sabihin niya. I will just be there for you.
Me: haha thanks so much ha. at least may guy's opinion pa rin ako, kahit papano
Him: ha ha ha. friend need to log out. napasaya mo ako today. he he he.

new happy discovery

another one of my :eyes:breakers...click here for cutesy-funny shots of pop wisdom.

This one's my favorite. Haha.

how cool is this?

Haay, current ballroom headcount: 480. goodluck, adik. So...this is my EYES-breaker. Heh, corny.

Anyhoo... I hope we don't look like this on a stressful work-day. We eat stress for breakfast, says my coolmamu boss. Eh I don't eat breakfast eh.

Lookee here for more cool stuff!

this is ...

one of the rare times when someone actually shuts me up, when I don't have anything to say, at all.

for a little while today, and when i remember

i dreamt of polaroid pictures

and a trip to disney and a mall

mind shrinking, coming home

how does one go on

when the best part of you dies?

The silence that guards the tomb does not reveal God's secret in the obscurity of the coffin, and the rustling of the branches whose roots suck the body's elements do not tell the mysteries of the grave, by the agonized sighs of my heart announce to the living the drama which love, beauty, and death have performed.
-Kahlil Gibran

just a little bit

(saw the mtv and I thought, hmmm...)

Woke up too early this morning
Shaken by a dream I had when I was in danger of losin' you
And I made up my mind
I was gonna tell you when you opened your eyes I thought it through

Wanna be someone
Better than the one who wasn't there when you needed her
Someone who
Wants you, needs you, someone who'd never leave you

My almost was not enough
Never sacrificed too much
I'm ready to give
More than just a little bit (just a little bit)

I'm willing as I'll ever be
Do anything, just watch me
I love you, I admit
More than just a little bit (just a little bit)

(Moooore)

'Cause I was so busy driving
I didn't see the road ahead or where I was going, ignored the signs
Why didn't somebody tell me
The one that I was looking for was there all the time - I was blind

It took a bad dream to show me
Without you there how it would be I realized
I want you, I need you
And baby I'll never leave you

My almost was not enough
Never sacrificed too much
I'm ready to give
More than just a little bit (just a little bit)

I'm willing as I'll ever be
Do anything, just watch me
I love you, I admit
More than just a little bit (just a little bit)

When you wake up
I'll be different
I don't know how I'm gonna find the right words to say
I'll have a whole lot more to give than I did yesterday (just a little bit)

(Moooooore)
(just a little bit)
Yesterday
(just a little bit)

My almost was not enough
Never sacrificed too much
I'm ready to give
More than just a little bit (just a little bit)

I'm willing as I'll ever be
Do anything, just watch me
I love you, I admit
More than just a little bit (just a little bit)

My almost was not enough
Never sacrificed too much
I'm ready to give
More than just a little bit (just a little bit)

I'm willing as I'll ever be
Do anything, just watch me
I love you, I admit
More than just a little bit (just a little bit)

(Mutya Buena, Just a Little Bit)

week one

Screaming like hell and seriously scared because of this crazy, demonic pusakal who was jumping up and down in the house. Poor cat was probably more scared than we were. Still, it had shades of a 70's Hitchcock movie. Or maybe I've been watching way too many scary films. Nakakahiya mang sabihin, some neighbors were actually wondering what the ruckus was all about.

Wading now too deep into the new world of marketing. As Lolo Ned says, marketing is all about romance. My friends always say that I romanticize everything- even scary, psycho movies- but there you are. I'm in great company, at least. Marketing is all about panunuyo, to the consumers, your intended betrothed. Then, it is all about loyalty, about staying vs. straying, letting him pull you in...It is all about asking your questions; never mind if you don't get the right answers. One doesn't fail or take a step backward even if you don't have your answer- at least you asked. Lolo Ned's sessions were so much fun. Yes, he signs his emails as such and he Googles for answers too! Further validation of my geekiness, I'm so enamored with learning about FGDs, UAIs, branding and all the intricacies of marketing. Never mind that I barely passed Behavioral Statistics and that I am a numbers-nosebleeder. I am inspired to embrace math and numbers, para lang kay Lolo Ned. (Ulk. Did I say that aloud?) Anyhoo. Just wanna be a sponge here.

He's witty, funny and smart, a cute geek, great at what he does and naughty, even. Hmm...sounds like my ideal man. Haha. (Funny is NOT equal to witty, in my book.) Hey, did you know that he even used to be dyslexic? To make up for it, he turns out to be this brilliant and accomplished man. Think Tom Cruise and his concentration of a bull fixed on a red-eye target. At the rate that I'm going, I could only hope for half of what he (Lolo Ned, not Tom, silly) has managed to achieve. Really great to open yourself up to learning and to possibilities.

Then there was an old lady with an old-fashioned brown hat (who wears hats nowadays?) perched atop her coiffure-d head, clad in a long, mousy brown skirt up to her ankles, in stockinged feet. Washing her hands at the sink, her phone suddenly rings...Where is the Love, by Black Eyed Peas.

I've always said that you should do something that scares you. Well. I think I need to learn how to drive. And I'm scared silly. Nooneenoo.

on a harried monday morning, i'm lusting after...

these!

nooneenoo...wanna shop for a new work bag...

The Real World, Part II

From hereon, I will probably start blogging more about work and the things I've learned so far. It's been an exciting week for me, geek-style. Had a two-day class with Dr. Ned Roberto. More on that soon. In the meantime, here's a nice article that should jumpstart any thinking and re-thinking of them career goals.

----------------------------------------------------

From 222 Ways to Entrepreneurial Success
by Brendan McGinty & Sherry Schuller

Making Successful Mistakes
When you make a mistake, it always helps to think of the situation in a different light and remember that the wrong answer is often the correct answer to a different question. Document your mistakes and the things you learned as a result. That knowledge could be valuable in another situation. Don't forget that mistakes are simply experiences you never expected to have. Allow yourself permission to fail and experience the unexpected - it's the fuel for growth and change.

The 3 keys to a successful mistake are:
Making mistakes quickly.
If you spend a great deal of time making a decision and you make the wrong one, that's an awful lot of wasted time, wasted money. Don't spend too much time making decisions when the right decision isn't obvious. Allow yourself to pick the wrong decision and do it quickly.

Recognizing mistakes early.
Recognizing mistakes in the early stages will help you save the amount of time and resources you expend on the mistake. If something doesn't seem right, dig deep for the reason and critique your decision. Ask those you trust for "if I were you" opinions. Look at the facts. If the preliminary results of your decision don't support your reasons for making the decision, chances are you're making a mistake.

Remember the mistake.
Mistakes are only beneficial in two ways - they encourage growth through education and teach us what not to do in a similar situation in the future. Remember your mistakes and learn from them.

one less hot daddy around...

In a recent interview with WJW-TV, a Fox affiliate in Cleveland, about "I'm Not There," in which he was one of several actors playing the music legend Bob Dylan, Ledger struck a philosophical note. He responded to a question about how having a child had changed his life:

"You're forced into, kind of, respecting yourself more," he said. "You learn more about yourself through your child, I guess. I think you also look at death differently. It's like a Catch-22: I feel good about dying now because I feel like I'm alive in her, you know, but at the same hand, you don't want to die because you want to be around for the rest of her life."

and now, he's gone ...

and then...

There was rhythm, there was reason and a rhyme.
Steady beats, deep and strong
Faltering breaths that come with unbidden thoughts

Then, suddenly,
As most great things are unexpected
You get the sense of things falling into place

There’s that word again
Falling.
Why not, stepping into things? Walking into?
Falling always results in pain.

Then the leaving.
Leaving one, strangely, bereft
Of what, I do not understand
A separation that almost feels like you lost something
The phantom limb syndrome.

rambling on...

Kids, learn this and you’ll save up on potential heartbreak- or at least not have a total meltdown. If there’s one thing you’ll accomplish in your lifetime, let this be it: Learn how to fall in love without losing yourself. I’d like to think that I can finally tick that off my list, at least I hope so. Of course, knowing myself too, baka next month, I’ll have a totally different perspective. Hey, a girl can change her mind. For now, it’s been easy-breezy-steady. I don’t know where the source of this “steadiness” comes from, but am thankful and I intend to hang on to this feeling for a long time. Look at that- I knew too much drama makes for a lifetime movie. Nakakapagod din ang over-thinking ano. As I’ve always said, love shouldn’t be that complicated, it shouldn’t be a struggle to be together. I may seem idealistic- no, I’d like to think it’s a pragmatic way of looking at things. Simple lang ang buhay, if you want to be together, you find ways. (Parang a certain bank’s tagline hehe). One always has a choice. If not, then sorry, he/you were just not that into each other. Yeah, oo naman, ouch pa rin, but nevertheless, let go, move on and prosper, as melai says. Funny how people mess things up and make it all seem so complicated. Fine, minsan sablay nga naman ‘tong mga theories of love and life ko, but hey, it’s trying that makes the world go ‘round.

As I’m writing this, a couple is right across me and they’re so young, maybe 16 or 17. I think to myself, hay kiddos, what do you know about love? I say it without any derision, because it’s sweet and everyone goes through that. Just that I feel so old, but hey if wisdom comes with age, am there! :-)

I’ve just had a laid-back escape at the beach. The intent was to celebrate the New Year (again) by setting goals for the rest of the year and more thinking (sheesh, as if I need more :P). A pre-kung hei fat choi retreat that involved a bit of alcohol and good food in between laughing, swimming (trying to! The waves were mean :P), finding nice little stones (found a cute purple one), pictures, talking (sometimes silly nonsense, from me mostly haha :-)), sleeping in because of rain (Tita Sunshine was a no-show), and random pensive moods. Either I was in a great rose-colored-glasses mood, or the people there were really, truly nice. Pleasantville, Pinas-Island version. I discovered that alcohol seems to be a truth serum for me; I almost told-all and the aftermath of a tipsy stupor was a (thankfully short-lived) pounding headache, opening of the floodgates, then, more clarity. It was not, after all, an SP party. ;-)

(and) everything...

shoti sang this song at the wedding gig. this is my new happy-kilig song
can't wait to get pics from the event- i actually look like grown-up haha.

----------------------------
You're a falling star, you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say

And you play your card, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you,you make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah

(Everything, Michael Buble)

freedom day

it's like

am playing hooky,

but am not.

dream killers: random thoughts

Chop-chop thoughts found in different notebooks lying around my room. Too lazy to write properly.

------------------

Every accomplished person has gone through their particular low points. So what makes you think you’re exempt, sweetie? Embrace the challenge; embrace the trials and difficulties, because one day, it will be all worth it.

I dream in different dimensions. I must remember though, to alert myself to the moment, to the newness and the unfamiliarity of something new. What if my dreams take a lifetime? I know that life has its rewards; for everything I’ve learned, I know now that your rewards come when you least expect it- one just has to be ready for it when it happens.

One must take care not to be a dream-killer, to oneself and to others. If you must choose between family, friends, and your dreams, choose your dreams. Those who matter and those who love you will follow you as you pursue your dreams.

I don’t believe in being a victim of life, of circumstances. We are where we are because of the choices that we make and I believe that we don’t have any right to complain. I have never encountered a situation where I am cornered and not have a say in it. People too often define themselves by how they are born, how they are raised, and how things are for them right now. By their hardships and pain, by their feelings. Why can’t we be defined by who we truly are?

A writer spins her story unrushed, taking the time out to form characters, to draw out and mold the nuances of each paragraph. Why then, shouldn’t life be that way? We rush to our everydays and yet we forget that everything has its own perfect timing- even the lousy parts.

Existential psychology says that denying anxiety is denying life itself- if you’re not scared, you’re not right.

Alek Wek, supermodel, in her memoir says: “By then I understood that if I wanted something, I had to go and get it myself. That job was my trust fund. But that doesn’t mean I liked it.” The supermodel used to scrub toilets at the BBC office then “moved up” to a shampoo girl stint at a salon.

Gokongwei himself admitted that entrepreneurship was not an easy path to take. “But we have to start somewhere, however small, however difficult,” he said in his speech.

From Glenn Mangurian, in an issue of Harvard Business Magazine

“You can’t know what will happen tomorrow- and its better that way.

You cannot control what happens- just how you respond.

Adversity distorts reality but crystallizes the truth.

Loss amplifies the value of what remains.

It’s easier to create new dreams than to cling to broken ones.

Your happiness is more important than righting injustices.”

brain candy

Your guilty pleasure.
A weekend beach trip and a massage. Ordinarily, a movie afternoon with Tater’s popcorn with extra butter.

Cat or dog?
Cat. They’re graceful and mystical.

One gadget you cannot live without.
Seriously, just one? I have to have: cellphone, iPod, laptop, camera (which is a dream gadget for now).

One person you can't stand.
She knows who she is ;)

Most risqué thing you've ever done.
Aah…served up my heart on a silver platter.

Most important person in your life.
Family and friends. Can’t choose just one.

One place you'd rather live other than where you are right now.
New York or Hawaii

CD playing in your CD changer.
On my iPod, Rent’s OST

You cook?
When I feel like it.

A movie/song that would immortalize your life.
Song: Champagne Supernova/Movie: Great Expectations

Biggest fear.
Getting trapped- literally and figuratively

Sexual fantasy.
Why do you ask? ;-)

Biggest frustration that you'd want to do something about. Soon.
Getting a kick-ass camera! J

One decision/act you wish you could undo.
None! Regrets are for losers.

One thing you don't have anymore that you wish you could have again.
My youth? Haha. Again, no regrets.

Your fashion sense.
Now leaning more on classics, with trendy twists. Big fan of accessorizing.

Most fun thing you've ever done so far.
A lot!

One thing that grosses you out the most.
Dead cats and rodents on the road.

Your biggest talent.
I read fast.

Biggest turnoff.
Physical: Evidence of unhygienic practices.
Attitude: Liars and pessimists.

Worst habit.
Procrastination.

Part of your body you wish looked better.
All- because I wanna get thinner.

Career/business you want with all your heart.
Career: Getting there- one that involves marketing and advertising; still being able to practice psychology.
Business: Getting there too- advertising agency that focuses on brand management.

One thing that ticks you off.
Tardiness. And inconsistency.

Type with the right fingers on the keyboard?
Nope! Hah, the madres will have a fit with their rulers :P

Idea of a perfect date.
On a beach. In an amusement park.

Current hair color.
Dark brown.

Pairs of shoes that you own.
There are things you don’t ask a girl…this is one…

Do your own laundry or bring it to the cleaners?
Both.

Signature clothes or generic brands?
Any, as long as comfy and I like it. And can afford it, hehe.

On a scale of 1-10, how evil are you? (1-Satan's distant cousin ten-times removed; and 10-devil incarnate/anti-Christ)
erm…5? J hehe.

Vanity or necessity?
Vanity, baby!

Ever taken drugs? What kind?
Nope.

How much you love your job.
Ten. Because you should only be doing something that you want/love.

Obsessive-compulsive?
But.of.course.

WFTY: start

Well, here’s my version of the requisite laundry list of resolutions. This year, I will, in no particular order:

1- Take more pictures. Bad and pixelized pictures should be banned from the world. :)

2- Recognize that there is a perfect time for everything, even to sit still.

3- Don’t be afraid to make choices- well, I’ve had lots of practice here, as 07 was a year of sucking it up and just doing things that scare me.

4- Remember to believe in possibilities.

5- Have more guilt-less Clutter and Vanity Parties. :)

6- Trust. Trust myself and people around me more. Trust in the goodness of people, but still remember the lessons of past disappointments. Expect less, live better.

7- Nurture my soul- read, paint, travel, and write more!

8- Search for and learn from new mentors. My new job should cover that- I’m excited, but I can’t bring myself to be super-giddy because am scared it might be too good to be true. It fits so perfectly in my plans that it’s creepy. Yes, am grateful that I’m blessed with this opportunity, but for now, steady lang muna. I do tend to get too naively impassioned by things and I end up over-committing. (Is there such a thing?) Point is, I tend to be so loyal- to a fault- that I always, always stick it out even when I should leave. Anyhoo. Just as long as am making smart choices. And oh, how could I forget- visualize! :P

9- Take care of myself more by making better choices- lifestyle, relationships. Sleeping earlier- and better. (Haay this one’s a bit more challenging; I am most alive in the wee hours of the morning and more than half of my 07 was spent on trying to sleep and wake up early, earlier, earliest. To sometimes dismal results. Oh well, trying.) And oh, get to climb more, and now, I am happy, happy to say, swim more! Found a new place where I can do both, with a library, Japanese garden, and free Wifi too! Hah. Such a nerd. In the same breath (pun intended,) I resolve not to smoke that occasional stick anymore. I’ve done laps at the pool and I realized that I have better lung power. Sheesh. (Trivia: I’ve only recently –as in a couple of years recent- really learned how to swim. Not that I’m spectacularly great now, but at least ano! For a mermaid-wannabe, that’s so not cool.) And oh, of smoking. This is getting to be quite the challenge as there are just some people who just inspire you to smoke- as in they can be quite stressful, thus the need for the conscious breathing in-out motions. Hmm…should breathing better now be part of this list?

10- Live my word for the year- START.

Holiday Head Rush

My decision not to go home to Cebu for the holidays was a bit difficult, but it was also the most logical. Between leaving my job, starting a new one and taking care of the business, there was only so much that I could do. Of course, there was the novelty of spending my first Christmas on my own- as I often told my friends, hey, I’m officially grown up. :)

So what made my holidays?

1- Sweet and thoughtful gestures from good friends, in the form of just-for-me text messages that make me smile, invites and generally, just doing things for me. These are the best gifts I got- random acts of kindness and niceness from friends. Yeah, am cheap lang that way. :)

2- Realizing that this kooky bunch of friends have become like family. Coincidentally validated by Gracie’s timely text message: An inspiration from my fave author, Francis Kong- “Apart from marriage, friendship is one of life’s most lasting and rewarding commitments. It is based on more than promises. It’s deep connections have to do with mutual respect, common experiences and love. In our highly fluid culture, friendships sometimes fall prey to the countless transitions in our lives. That is when commitment comes to play.” And still, a couple more from Luis and JP. I’m such a lucky girl. :)

3- Materially, a “corporate-y” tank silver watch, one that I could use for my new job. All the gifts I got were great by the way, but another of my favorites is a book from the Sex Goru (not a typo!)- Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing, hardbound! I am taking that as yet another sign that my decision (to leave) is right.

4- Having two Christmas Eves. One at the hotel party where because I was the princess, I had a room all by myself. J Ah, the advantages. Fluffy pillows and sheets made for a yummy embrace in my tipsy state. Said inebriation was preceded by non-stop yakking and silly laughter produced by Pinoy Henyo-Holiday Version and the antics of the socialite of the evening. Then, there was the breakfast buffet the morning after, which was surprisingly good. Trying to make up for the previous night’s excesses, I shuffled over to my favorite yogurt and muesli bar.

The second (real) Christmas Eve was quieter. Dinner at PhoHoa, then spent the rest of the night at home with Shoti opening his gifts, video coverage by Luis, ala-Wish Ko Lang. Of course, I didn’t have anything to open anymore because I’m so EQ-challenged when it comes to opening gifts- I ripped through mine as soon as I got them. I also don’t know anyone else who spent Christmas Halloween-version; we spent the night (and early morning) watching horror movies. Ouija sucked, promise.

5- A glammed-up New Year’s Eve, with aborted plans to spend it at Greenbelt and Libis. Instead, we ate (a lot!) at Shoti’s dad, had a La Vendetta-style photoshoot and a You-Tube worthy video of us hiding from the fireworks, hamming it up and drinking cheers to ‘08, in what else- Mudslide-filled Melaware tasa. Ang cheap! :P LOL

All these in between hardcore Scrabble games that would last until 4am. Must.Sleep.Early.!

And oh, must seriously get that dictionary already.

07 in review

I was drafting a piece and kwento on how my last year went, when I found this picture.
Well, this about says it all, no? :)
The exhiliration, the joy, the stoicism, the tears, the drama! Fear! A well-lived past year, all because I hung on. :) hehe. Cute kids.

Found this on MSN. Check this out. Nice story through pictures.

on my agenda today...

organize my planner. haha.

getting hooked again on Outlook Vista and Isabel Allende.

waiting for holiday pictures and videos. frustrating to be begging for photos :-P

in limbo mode. tying loose ends, looking forward to a fresh start.

i also heart jamie ;)

haay he's such a heartwarmer *


;)



Catch his show, Oliver's Twist, on the Lifestyle Network.



Yummy and lovely.

*heartwarmer: coined from riagirl.