of slumber and waking

I sleep in the hopes of waking up to something better. A line in the movie The Bachelor went, When you wake up, things will look a whole lot different. I succumb to the sweet surrender of sleep when I can no longer feel that second wind to hold on any much longer. I sleep when I want to escape, when it is only in sleep I can live my dreams. I fall off into darkness, knowing that when I close my eyes, the pain won’t hurt so much anymore. I close my eyes knowing that when I do fall into slumber, I will no longer feel alone. In my surrender, I will know my dreams; I will know what it is to be happy. I long for the day to come when I do wake up, things will look different. It always does. Things always get a bit better in the morning. I am thankful for the sunrise that brings me everyday much closer to my destiny. But in each morning too I still look beyond that sunrise for that one thing to complete me. In each morning comes the realization that I will have to choose to be happy, that I will have to find a reason to be happy. I hope for that day when the sunrise will bring me a reason to smile, a reason to feel joy, a reason to believe that in each turn that I close my eyes, when I wake up, things will truly be different- and that I won’t have to fear anymore.

(repost from may 15, 2005)