eventually, one of two things will happen:

he will finally realize you're worth it
or i'll realize that he wasn't

in the meantime...

i am scared that i just might blurt it out
again

only this time
i hope to do a better job of it

but what do i hope for, really?
maybe except to quiet these thoughts

bad habit, my favorite mistake
this falling

it loops round and round
like a movie bordering on B

the implicit simplicity of it all
is funny if not tragic

stunning

You make your case, oh, so well
And I can tell
It's the same ole' song and dance
But I can't help feeling
We just might
Might get it right this time
But I can't help feeling
Boy, I'm dreamin', just who are we kidding babe?

And isn't it stunning
How I'm gonna fall again
And isn't it stunning
Divine and fine to find myself
In your binds again
Hopeless to no end
And isn't it stunning,
How we both know it's gonna end

Oh, maybe if it weren't so fun
And oh, oh, oh,
If I didn't think that you were the one
I might walk I might talk
Like I had some pride
But I can't help feeling
That it's in your arms
In your arms I've died

And isn't it stunning
How I'm gonna fall again
And isn't it stunning
Divine and fine to find myself
In your binds again
Hopeless to no end
And isn't it stunning,
How we both know it's gonna end

I could be your everything
If you let me, if you let me
I could be your everything
If you let me, let me

And isn't it stunning
How I'm gonna fall again
And isn't it stunning
Divine and fine to find myself
In your binds again
Hopeless to no end
And isn't it stunning,
How we both know it's gonna end

I could be your everything if you let me
If you let me be
I could be your everything if you let me
If you let me be

:8mm:

sometimes

We've come too far we can't turn back
Have our good days, have our bad
When I'm feeling blue
And you say that I'm hurting you
We try so hard not to fight
But sometimes we cross the line
Then I wanna leave
But you won't let me

We have our highs and lows
Just like everybody else
Doesn't mean that we walk away
We work through our mistakes

Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I don't
But I never ever, never want to let you go
The road's not easy
But the feelings strong
It's the little things that keep me holding on

We're both guilty of mistakes
Though you rarely take the blame
All you put me through
Sometimes I hate you
But it's not mistakes in life you make
It's the good you do along the way
The dues you pay

We have our highs and lows
Something everybody knows
Doesn't mean that we run away
We work through our mistakes

Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I don't
But I never ever, never want to let you go
The road's not easy
But the feelings strong
It's the little things that keep me holding on

Oh, of all the crazy things in life thats been it's you and me
We've come so far sometimes I can't believe
But I wouldn't change a thing

Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I don't
But I never ever, never want to let you go
The road's not easy
But the feeling's strong
It's the little things that keep me holding on

Sometimes I love you. (Sometimes I love you)
Sometimes I don't. (Sometimes I don't)
But I never ever, never want to let you go
The road's not easy
But the feeling's strong
It's the little things that keep me holding on
(Keep me holding. Keep me holding.)

Sometimes I love you.
Sometimes I don't. (Sometimes I don't.)
But I never ever, never want to let you go.
The road's not easy. (The road's not easy.)
But the feeling's strong.
It's the little things that keep me holding on.

:gabrielle:

Someone once told me, a kiss is just a kiss, unless you choose to see what’s beneath it. Well I daresay, sometimes a date is just a date: the whole act of guy meets girl, mustering up the courage to ask her out and proceeds to dazzle her with his wit, humor, gentlemanly manners and great conversation. Movies, a dinner and a ride right up to the doorstep and you’ve got the classic formula of age-old stories. What happens then, when the story stops right there? I’ve always had this three-date rule. I will only get to date three if there was any chemistry or if he has potential. It is pretty much easy to see if one can remain friends/acquaintances with someone and I can be upfront, even blasé about such things. No biggie. What happens then, when I don’t even understand how in the world Date One came to be? And what happens when, after a seemingly really nice time together, dare I say I like him? And dammit, why start in the first place what you cannot, for the world of me, see through? Oh, but enough of my protestations and feigning insignificance of what happened. It is done, over with. He knows where to find me, knows my number. He should know by now I liked him- enough to go out with him. Tadaaa...newsflash! He is just not that into me. And you know what? Thinking this way is really so much easier on my brain. Used to be I would be analyzing over and over. Well, I did, for a limited time, but I am so proud to say that I have not beaten this issue to death. And I can truly say that I am not affected the way I imagined myself to be. Used to be I would be pining away for these perceived emotions and illusions. Not anymore. I have grown up. I ain’t waiting in vain for your love baby.

On another note, my friends have been teasing me and giving me a hard time about it, thinking I must be so into him. They say we look great together, tell me everything he does so its not impossible to know about him and on another hand, advise me I should stay away from such types. Bah, what great friends.

Which makes me think then: is my whole new outlook making me a cynic in the making? Is this making me miss out on things (and people) because I choose to be pragmatic about his response – or in this case, non-response? Is this not the perfect way to guard your heart? I mean, after all, when someone is into you, they’re going to make it known, whether you like him back or not, wherever in the world that person may be. Trust me, I know. So I guess I could rest easy then. I really should remember to have my wits about me when I need them.

(repost, sometime ago, still kind of true today. different characters, same story. notice the pattern.)

of slumber and waking

I sleep in the hopes of waking up to something better. A line in the movie The Bachelor went, When you wake up, things will look a whole lot different. I succumb to the sweet surrender of sleep when I can no longer feel that second wind to hold on any much longer. I sleep when I want to escape, when it is only in sleep I can live my dreams. I fall off into darkness, knowing that when I close my eyes, the pain won’t hurt so much anymore. I close my eyes knowing that when I do fall into slumber, I will no longer feel alone. In my surrender, I will know my dreams; I will know what it is to be happy. I long for the day to come when I do wake up, things will look different. It always does. Things always get a bit better in the morning. I am thankful for the sunrise that brings me everyday much closer to my destiny. But in each morning too I still look beyond that sunrise for that one thing to complete me. In each morning comes the realization that I will have to choose to be happy, that I will have to find a reason to be happy. I hope for that day when the sunrise will bring me a reason to smile, a reason to feel joy, a reason to believe that in each turn that I close my eyes, when I wake up, things will truly be different- and that I won’t have to fear anymore.

(repost from may 15, 2005)

what is.

Love
So many things I’ve got to tell you
But I’m afraid I don’t know how
Cause there’s a possibility
You’ll look at me differently
Love
Ever since the first moment I spoke your name
From then on I knew that by you being in my life
Things were destined to change cause

Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joy and hurt
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
Longing for your kiss
For your touch, your feel, your essence
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
I know that you're real
With no doubts and no fears
And no questions

At first you didn't mean that much to me
But now I know that you're all I need
The world looks so brand new to me
Now that I found love
Everyday I live for you
And everything that I do
I do it for you
What I say is how I feel so believe its true
You got to know I'm true

(love, musiq soulchild)

all i know is
suddenly
everything is lyrical

though not quite the
unexpected song

i am still the fool
at the other end of the rope

i will stay

I will stay
When the world says I should leave
But they just can't conceive
All you mean to me
I will stay
When the midnight hours come
'Coz your love is second to none

I will stay
When my friends and loved ones can't console
Somehow you always know
How to touch my heart
When I can't find the words to say
You bring a brighter day
I will stay

I will stay
Through the darkest of my nights
You're the brightest light
And you're shining down on me

I will stay
Even though the storm clouds rise
And the tears may fall from my eyes
I will stay

Even in the lonely midnight hour
Through it all I feel your power
And I can't believe
When you come and take me in your arms
I feel no alarm
I will stay

:tim dillinger:

still, in other news

hate is misguided love, i read one time.

i vacillate between loathing and loving.

among others-

a babyface concert
stardust (the movie) and dq ice cream

Yvaine: You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the farthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

*sigh*- couldn't be more wonderful, this weekend.
oh, right.

it could.

obscure hotpots: yes, universe, i so want this!

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.”

:rilke:

October (Astrology.com)
This month, starting the 1st, take a long, hard look at any anxiety you feel. You may decide, after examining things, that you want to back off any giant career pushes for the moment. You could be feeling overwhelmed by them. You may also decide you don't want to back off. If you do push ahead, make sure you understand where this overwhelmed feeling is coming from. Have you bitten off more than you can chew (at least for right now)? Or is this just a fear of success? What scares you? Think hard and maintain a regular exercise routine and you'll come out just fine either way. Just remember that your emotional well-being has to be a priority for you. On the 3rd, your creative energies are astounding. Be sure to make lots of room for them in your life. On the 8th, start the week with an intensive analytic session. Who knows what you will come up with! On the 12th and 13th, give yourself as much time off from work as you can. You need a break to rejuvenate. A knowledgeable coworker comes to the rescue on the 17th and 18th, and on the 22nd, you solve a puzzle. On the 28th, go for a swim if it all seems like too much for you. On the 31st, finish the month with a serious look at how well you're balancing your work and your health.

Daily singles love (by Astrology.com)
When change comes into your life today, don't panic and create chaos. Transformation is exciting and full of possibilities, so roll out the red carpet. You're ready for something new; embrace this lifestyle revolution with vigor.

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
You should push your personal agenda a little bit more forcefully than you normally would today -- a little extra effort will take you a long way right now. This is a prime day for you, and you are poised to get exactly what you want -- as long as you show the universe that you want it. Visualize your life on this new level and soon your visions could come true. Put in the extra hours and extra effort that may be required -- it will all be worth it.

there's a little BRIGHT spot on the sun today....

How could any fighting man not be inspired by Ka Birong's admonition before battle: "Take your men and I'll take mine too…At exactly ten minutes afore zero hundred hours start the attach and for sure their reinforcement will be on the way at around five minutes 'ere twelve. At exactly midnight we'll fire… I want you to observe it…daintily…if not we'll be pulverized. Okey tha's all!"(p.331)

---

"The real crocodiles lives in river and them you as a crocodiles lives in land…Once they were caught …with prolonged staying on land without water…he would be dying…and that is exactly what will happen to you now!"

"You mean, you'll kill me?" Benjamin nervously queried.

"That's really what will we do…sorry, but we need your life!"

"If then…do it now!"


salamat, ms. zafra!

random post from a random email

love happens

wala lang, found this to be very true and apt ;)

three shots of sunshine!

They say all things come in threes...

With all the stress and negativity around me, I 've lost count if the bad things came in threes!

Well, am glad I've had my dose of sunshine in bits and patches, even if it was a bit difficult to find. I've had three shots of hope last week, three shots of possibility potions to keep me a bit up. And the past four days, I've had three to my closest friends randomly tell me that they love me. Isn't that so sweet? To be loved without anything in return, to be embraced in that acceptance, to know that no matter the distance and time spent together, one is still loved. We should really start telling people we love that we do- it's so nice to hear that without any occasion, to know that it is really meant.

Luis was right- though we choose them, friends are truly God's gifts.

came upon this bit of news this morning.

Italian archbishop closes convent after nuns come to blows

how come this reminds me of old spanish nuns
in running sepia frames ala pedro almodevar
cloistered nuns, quiet, meek and unassuming
suddenly all fiery and passionate

ahh the drama of it all!

welcome, last quarter stretch 07!
be happier, embrace hope