Some surprises can be good, the kind that takes your breath away, that illicits giggles and totally stupid laughter that somehow still makes sense. The kind that still makes you smile even years after. The kind I wish for everyone.
And then there are those that still take you unawares, that take your breath away- no- the kind that robs away your ability to breathe and function. The kind that doesn't let you go back to the way you were, no matter how you thought you were alright. The kind of chance happenstance that you aren't prepared for, no matter how you thought you had it all played out in your mind.
And I thought I was ready, I thought I was ok. And how mundane things like planning for my simple weekend and it's eventual screw up in a happy, giddy and yet scary way has now made me truly paralyzed with fear.
They say that failure and history repeats itself when one has not learned it's lesson yet. Have I not learned anything, at all?
I was ok, dammnit. Maybe not spectacularly well, given the circumstances, but surviving. I had something to do, something to hope for. But now. I don't know, once again. Maybe I haven't learned anything, after all. I just find it sadly unfair, since that I believe everything happens for a reason. I find it unfair how one is given a bit of taste of the happiness pie and then to have it suddenly snatched away from you (I think). Well, annapots said it best-chocolate wisdom at work:
anna_p: feeling ko, ur missing the feeling.... parang chocolate lang yan.. pag mejo matagal ka ng hindi nakakakain, nagc-crave ka. pag sinabi kong bibigyan kita tapos hindi natuloy, pinalaway lang kita. ang pinagkaiba lang eh, my chocolate will only excite your sense of taste while likeable beings/guys will excite your feelings.... and whether we like it or not, mas mahirap if feelings na pinaguusapan...
indigo_skies03: leche. penge nalang nga ng chocolate!
And now I'm not sure how to be the me before. Am not sure if I want to be.
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