In a very highly connected world we live in now, I am finding it increasingly a challenge to keep still and just be my Zen-self. Work and personal cell phones blaring and ringing, each requiring a response NOW. As if phones are glued to our thumbs, or hard-wired to our brains and messages are sent as soon as they are thought. Still, I am a slave to technology and strive to be (connected), if only for fulfilling the responsibility hat. Send-receiving 5 emails, out of 455 and counting. Phone inquiries and faxed meeting requests. Text messages and cell phone calls. YM/IM popping up, all work-related. In a day, I just realized that I am inundated by almost ten modes of technological communication. Quick, skip and a hop- I have to be fast or I get really swamped if I let up for a tiny bit. My office staff/seatmate laughs at me; I do a little jig and a clap every time I cross something off my list. And I’ve had to constantly remind myself that it’s only the 13th, not the 23rd.
Does it seem so glamorous? Sometimes, I have to admit, yes. (I’ll get to the “glamour-fun” part later.) But there are times that I am on the nth version of editing materials and I cannot change it to my liking- its not creative, fun writing after all. It’s WORK writing. Grammar. Precision and critical thinking. Sheesh. Hello, real world. No wonder sometimes I just want to turn off my brain. When I said I wanted to write for a living, I didn’t realize that everything I said would be plucked out from my mouth and taken literally by the universe. So maybe I have to do some more fine-tuning with what I put out there.
Anyhoo. Rambling on. Plus point is that I love how I am stretched to my limits, how my perspective(s) have changed dramatically. I don’t know yet to what influence I can credit this to. I really appreciate though how the past months’ uber-stressful shifts have taught me to hang on for a bit more. I don’t know if I am truly meant to be where I am but let’s just say, I can’t find a reason (yet) not to be. (As a product of my over-thinking-mini-retreat, I am undecided as to what my next steps will be. So unsure that I am now taking steps towards Plan A, B and C, just for good measure. Ha. Talk about ambivalent. (Or maybe this is the entrepreneurial me thinking? -never putting my eggs in one basket, so to speak.) Knowing myself –me, the 5-year-planner and lists-lover- this is very unsettling as being of two (or three) minds means letting go of control. Very liberating. And freaky, in that growing-up kind of way.
Ok, still rambling. On to the “glamour-fun” part. Being in hotels venues a lot, getting all dressed up and meeting a lot of people. I don’t get impressed easily, so I can’t really tell if work’s glamorous. Sure is fun at times though. Still a long ways to go and I can’t help but have this sneaking suspicion that I have my work cut out for me.
So can I get any more random than this? To hell with sentence construction. :)
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