getting there...

In a café, on a Saturday night.

There is something so gratifying in being alone in the midst of crowds. Everyone is with somebody, from friends to lovers and everything in between. And here I am in my corner, alone, surveying the crowd and yet I’m ok, really, truly content. That is not to say that I got in this state without struggle and without wishing for more. Believe me, it takes a lot to actually get up and go out even if you’re alone. It’s just that since brushing up on reading Buddhism and rekindling my beliefs, I am at peace with living with absolutely no expectations and no attachments. It sounds so simple and practical and yet so controversial. People have been built to commune, to connect, to be with others. Am I being such a deviant?

There are only a handful of people who truly know me and even then, there are a lot of things they don’t know about me. With the secrets that I keep, nobody really does and it is not for lack of wanting to share; let’s face it, people, with all their good intentions, really just look out for their own interest. I don’t blame them, just stating a mere fact.

It is a sense of serenity borne out of acceptance and faith that has been tested. I used to seek home, the idea of being in a place where there is no judgment, where there is true freedom and acceptance. Maybe, home is within you, home is where you go back to at the end of the day where you tell yourself- your today was great, you did good, and tomorrow you will even be better. Maybe home is knowing yourself and being happy, no matter what.