getting there...

In a café, on a Saturday night.

There is something so gratifying in being alone in the midst of crowds. Everyone is with somebody, from friends to lovers and everything in between. And here I am in my corner, alone, surveying the crowd and yet I’m ok, really, truly content. That is not to say that I got in this state without struggle and without wishing for more. Believe me, it takes a lot to actually get up and go out even if you’re alone. It’s just that since brushing up on reading Buddhism and rekindling my beliefs, I am at peace with living with absolutely no expectations and no attachments. It sounds so simple and practical and yet so controversial. People have been built to commune, to connect, to be with others. Am I being such a deviant?

There are only a handful of people who truly know me and even then, there are a lot of things they don’t know about me. With the secrets that I keep, nobody really does and it is not for lack of wanting to share; let’s face it, people, with all their good intentions, really just look out for their own interest. I don’t blame them, just stating a mere fact.

It is a sense of serenity borne out of acceptance and faith that has been tested. I used to seek home, the idea of being in a place where there is no judgment, where there is true freedom and acceptance. Maybe, home is within you, home is where you go back to at the end of the day where you tell yourself- your today was great, you did good, and tomorrow you will even be better. Maybe home is knowing yourself and being happy, no matter what.

The Giving Tree

Once there was a tree
And she loved a little boy
And every day the boy would come
And he would gather her leaves
And weave them into crowns
And play King of the Forest
He would climb up the trunk
And swing from her branches
And eat apples
And they would play hide and go seek
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade
And the boy loved the tree

:Shel Silverstein:

Optimism and hope takes more guts than you’ll ever know

You think I'd leave your side baby?
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave down when your down on your knees?
I wouldn't do that

I'll do you right when your wrong
If only you could see into me

When your cold
I'll be there to hold you tight to me
When your on the outside baby and you can't get in
I will show you, your so much better than you know
When your lost, when your alone and you can't get back again
I will find you darling I'll bring you home

If you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
and in no time you'll be fine

You think I'd leave your side baby
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave you down when your down on your knees
I wouldn't do that

I'll do you right when your wrong
If only you could see into me

Oh when your cold
I'll be there
To hold you tight to me
Oh when your alone
I'l be there by your side baby

 

:Sade, By Your Side:

Bakit nga ba? See other entry

I wanted to go get a haircut because I am bored with my hair, but I can't because I have two bukols on my head. Ouchie eh :( Not relishing the thought of the stylist brushing and drying my hair with another possible threat on my noggin – the hairdryer.

in less than 24 hours, i bumped my noggin into an extremely hard and edgy surface twice. as in granite and cement quality. i'm still alive.
i can still see stars, but not the good kind.

if the universe is sending me signs, those were two freakin' painful ones.
pwede bang i-email nalang?

and why can't i post a title?
aaargh...

really, it's the little things that get to you. and the worst part is when people tell you it's nothing, dahil maliit na bagay lang yan. where do you think big things come from? idiotics.

stupid

night lift up the shades
let in the brilliant light of morning
but steady there now for I am weak and starving for mercy
sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong
it's all I can do to hang onto keep me from falling into old familiar shoes
how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see
love has made me a fool
it set me on fire and watched as I floundered
unable to speak except to cry out and wait for your answer
but you come around in your time
speaking of fabulous places
create an oasis
dries up as soon as you're gone
you leave me here burning in this desert without you
everything changes everything falls apart
can't stop to feel myself losing control
but deep in my senses I know

:sarah machlachlan, stupid: