love nyo naman ang elephant!

sakit ng headache

loverly milkshake poem

oh oh! remember before sunrise?
wala lang, random movie i just remembered

Daydream delusion
Limousine eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes
I am a delusion angel
I am a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don't want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we're going
Launched in life
Like branches in the river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I'll carry you, you'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me
Don't you know me by now

stressful

define: stressful

a concert/office event where i'm even stressed to try to have fun.
a supposedly surprise bridal shower whose date was moved three times before it was finally set, not to mention menu changes, tip-toeing and managing egos.
juggling a teambuilding event, a newsletter release and other regular stuff.
an upcoming family party, flying to davao and the million and one things that i need to do, buy, see relatives in manila- check attendance! and oh, a dozen more memorable, quotable quotes served up by the Mother Superior.
a super-delayed incoming check deposit .

just finding out that instead of being able to go to a friend's wedding, i need to be with a group of stodgy old men for strategic planning sessions- i.e. the big bosses.
oh the nerdy me is über-thrilled at the prospect of being with them, getting to be in the thick of business things, getting to be in the know, plus, it's a good career move- why exactly, i forget. but couldn't it have come at a worst time? and as yet, i don't know exactly where i placed my inner work-mojo so it's all so bleah and crummy. hay.
anyways.
i've already told my friends i can't go, gotta swallow that big lump of disappointment and get on with it.

gawd, when all i need is big hug. kaya ko ito. shyet.

egads~ i sometimes look like a boy, too!

busted

Lights are busted in my room and I haven't got the energy to go and replace it. I'm not quite excited too about the prospect of trying wobble on a bar stool, reach up and fix it. In all hoopla, I am still procastinating.

And so, because I needed to do workstuff last night, I took out a lamp and arranged my little work space. Man, I don't think romantic was the ambience I was going for here. Hah- fun.

Well, if you look sideways and squint a bit, it does look kind of like my fave cafe with the ambient lights.

the weekend of my dreams

Well, not really. But it'll do, it'll do nicely.

After the harrasment of dragging my butt out of bed on a Saturday morning, having to do errands and trying to fit in most things in one day, I walked on over to my favorite hide-out. And oh, what do we have here- the most perfect BLT sandwich on ciabatta bread I've had since Java Joe days. Lovely dinner with a side of Greek Salad on Feta cheese, armed with magazines and my pen and paper and I was happy as a noodle. Now, I realize that by being addicted to taking pictures, I am letting myself off easy since I don't need to describe how the place smelled of coffee, how the music made me smile and dream of slow dances under the twinking stars, how the melting cheese and the olives in the sandwich blended and melted on my tongue. Yeah, I think am beginning to write crappily. Then again, at least I don't use words like cointers.

My weekend was filled with simple joys. Now this is just what I was asking for- simple joys! More of that, please!

overdue musings on a play

I went to see Orfeo two Fridays ago and while I anticipated I would love it, I didn't imagine this would ignite once again my love for theater. Or the fact that just being in the same breathing room as these exceptionally talented artists would both inspire me and intimidate me, shake me to the core. And I am not being the drama queen here. I swear, I couldn't even go up to the actors to congratulate them! I shrivel with insignificance beside them!
Since I was in grade school, I have been involved in theater and the performance arts. I was in ballet after school, in jazz class summers, in recitals left and right, in chorales, in declamations and extemporaneous speeches. When the awkwardness of puberty set in, plus the demands of adjusting to yet another school, I was relegated to the background but that didn't stop me from satisfying my thirst for theater. I was the set designer, costume designer, make-up artist, stage manager, scripwriter, extra tree anyone? or a shrub? Anything for theater! I even narrowly escaped being grounded for life and shipped to God knows where because I had to lie about rehearsals every night for a couple of months. And oh, the time when I had to commute home in my colegiala uniform and a maniac accosted me. Ah, anything, anything for my art. At that time, ma-arte was more like it.
When had I stopped dreaming of a dream world? I don't believe that theater has lost it's magic on me. Maybe my growing up and living a life that's expected of me got in the way, which is all the more reason for me to admire and bow down to those who have chosen to live such a bohemian life. So much courage and strength to not only pursue your passion, but to actually live it.

One of the reasons I chose to (again) pack my bags and strike it out on my own is to be free to pursue what I love to do- theater among them. But, life being as it is, I get thrown every curveball there is. So here I am now, three years after, and I have yet to say that I have actually done what it is I set out to do. That is, assuming that I know what these damn things are.

The beauty of the soda fountain (in Orfeo) is that it was seemingly unattainable. But it was always there, a constant reminder that one must always aspire to be better, despite of and inspite of. The soda fountain of our dreams is waiting.

Oh, never mind if the closest thing I get to theater is to watch it again and again.
I just get a funny, fluttery feeling in my tummy whenever I think about it. Hay, this must be love.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
- Joseph Campbell

i am not excited

WHAAAAT?! I have to pay import taxes?! WTF?! I do nothing here except pay stupid freakin' taxes, every move I make! grrrrr....
I super hate having to pay for anything I shouldn't have to.
But.Nevertheless.
How can thissss beee?!!?!
____________________
2076100110 - Detailed Report
08:54
Manila - Philippines, The
Arrived at DHL Facility
August 28, 2006

08:11
Manila - Philippines, The
With delivery courier

come to mama, baby!

taray ng lola mo!

heh-Because I'm such a good apo, I made these invites for my lola's birthday bash. Hmm...very debut-ish.

Shh... don't tell anyone, but am flying there in a week! Whoopee...It has been about 3 years since I was in Davao, city of my birth, where my early soul was born. And oh, yeah the party's a surprise too ;) Good times.

I don't know about you, but I think she's so beautiful. I think everyone in that era was beautiful because they really made time and exerted the effort to be so. Men in dashing suits, hats and canes, ladies in little dresses and looking their best in any occassion. People now can be so casual, even sloppy.

Ok, pointing fingers- I'm the one wearing tsinelas to the mall today.

more tee-hee stories

1. I got a text message from one of the climbing organizers:

Hello, climbers! Join Pinoy Climbing, a fun boulder competition for the exposure of Rock Climbing in the Philippines, Aug. 26, World Trade Center, near Star City. Check out the cool competition rules, cool shirts and cool people that make up our climbing community :) Coolness? See you!

~woohoo... i'm a climber, i'm a climber... daw...

2. See the nifty tracking thingie DHL has?

2076100110 : Sydney - Australia : Manila - Philippines, The
Arrived at DHL facility in Hong Kong - Hub - Hong Kong
August 25, 2006
07:27 Hong Kong - Hub - Hong Kong
Clearance processing complete at Hong Kong - Hub - Hong Kong

~that means my new baby toy is coming, my toy is coming... right about now he's somewhere in Hong Kong and I can't waaaiiit...
This tech toy is miiine!!! because I'm a "prizewinner" at ACNielsen Australia. Though, I don't feel quite like a "prizewinner" since I had to follow them up at ang tagaaaal! At medj sungit ever ng Aussie girl na un. But. Nevertheless.

Hmm...can I be DHL-ed somewhere?! Right now? Or can I have somebody shipped to me?

3. And!
laica marie
antsbully! i know sabi mo 5 days, but you also said 1st day processing started nung tuesday, so today is the 4th day, baka naman ma-complete nice day ko today if ma-ok na loan ko hehe
antsbully (8/25/2006 12:06:45 PM)
i just followed it up now lang po and it was already approved. im gona call again later to know if when it will be deposited to your account. =) now its good day dat uve talked to the cute guy here at HR.. hehehehe

Sigh. My life's getting better. Please oh please let it not be a random happenstance.

and damn, I still can't help but smile.
tee-hee.

today is thursday~ it is a kilig day

well, well, well.

talked to someone today.

and someone remembered me today. twice, in the hallway. never mind that this one's gay.
and am not talking about being the happy-one.

i still have someone who makes me smile. tee-hee.
and oh it's amazing what a mood-lifter that was, and i suspect there's more of it to come.

and oh, in other news: previous entries self-explanatory.

AA's honarary members

This was one of the most stupidly frustrating non-gimmick ever... Trying to drink somewhere in ortigas after a disc game with shoti and antsbully. We were making like alcoholics desperately trying to get drinks in our system with no place to go. And when they say things come in threes, three freakin' sets of guards came up to us and told us we weren't allowed to drink. And it's not because we look under 18. Jeez.

knock yourselves out!

You know what’s the greatest thing with dealing with the tactless, insensitive jerks of the world? Its knowing exactly who you cannot trust and who your true friends are.
Succinct, choice words aimed at making their selves feel better, superior.
Who am I to begrudge their petty notions of ego satisfaction?

oh no~ is this the death of my private blog?

http://once-on-my-island.spaces.live.com/?owner=1&f=25
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grrr....

summer's end

kakaba-kaba, kaka-iba

On the way to the mall, I took a taxi- a reputable one, so I was pretty laid back, enjoying the good music and clean car. Nearing the mall, we got kind of stuck in traffic for a bit and imagine the better-than-caffeine jolt I had when the driver rolled down his window and started screaming expletives that would shame even the oldest inmate at Munti. It was getting kind of scary, good thing we arrived soon enough.
And then he turns to me, all smiles and politeness- Pwede na po dito, Ma'am. Salamat po, ingat po.

Mo-meee...Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in the house!

whaaaat?!

ay, di ko kaya ito!
apparently, he's also in on the luurv bandwagon... hala!

http://onetruelovenetwork.com/

mwahaha...(*laughs the cynical, perky-bitch, channeling celia rodriguez*)

in other words...

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw: "As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going."


Have a great long weekend everyone! :-)

soul destroyer

I used to be fearless.
I would wittingly and unwittingly get into situations, choose to decide things with little to almost no regard for consequences. I thought I could always come out of it stronger, battle-scars notwithstanding. I was unafraid of getting hurt, of falling and getting back up again. I've always believed that what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.

But guess what? When life throws you more curve balls than you can handle, when you don't even know how to play ball, you find that all these bits and pieces just tear at your soul, black crows pecking at a carcass.

When have I started becoming more wary, more weary? Fearful of the unknown. No longer caring what the answers to my what-if questions are. Tired, is the word.

It seemed like eons ago when my philosophy was go lang ng go. It hurts me to think that not only have I been aflicted with such a cowardice of ignoring danger signs; I have not been growing at all. I have been hiding behind a curtain of pretend bravado. All along I thought I could fake it until I make it.

I find that moments of self-clarification are the most difficult to come by. Am I not silent enought? Am I not open enough? Mind rushing fast, fast forward lest I get behind...

But where does everyone go anyways? And do I want to go where everyone is?

It's hard to admit that sometimes you wish your life had taken a different path but it's harder to admit that you're not where you expected you would be. This is my 5-years-after- and it poses a more difficult question- what now?How now, brown cow?

I've read that the worst secrets are the kind you keep from yourself.
I've been shrouded in secrets all my life. Nobody knows the real me and ironically, neither do I.
I am usually quick to laugh, quick to cry.
Sometimes, when I laugh, it is not as easy, real and full.
But when I cry, it is always, always as deep and wounding, seldom cleansing.

Still, it is with bittersweet appreciation that even the simplest of joys make me smile. It seems not much of a favor to ask to give me some break, to let me believe in myself even just for awhile, to let me correct my mistakes, because my only wish is to trust that good things can happen.

cultured...pearls?

me plus some old and new friends are trooping over to ccp to watch a play. of course, my very bourgeouis self who couldn't afford tickets whooped with theatrical joy because this one's a freebie. god, i miss theater- or whatever involvement i had of it, eons ago.

meanwhile, it's a three-day weekend here and i haven't got any other plans except to veg out at home. oh sure, i could work too but my work-mojo has flown out of the window and is momentarily on vacation-has been a long time and i haven't got the energy to get it back.

and then there's someone. well, it is always someone isn't it?
and the possibility of something always inspires one to wake up and face the morning. we shall see, we shall see. more on this in a bit.

you're invited to a whine party

everyone has a limit- now i find that my normally saint-like patience is bubbling up at the surface, about to explode.
ok, 2 things:
1- we could all head down to a bar and have a whine-fest. rant, rave, cry, complain, bitch, bicker all you want people! then do something about it.
2- just buckle down and get to it, dammit! suck it up and get to it! the sooner it's over, the better, right? nothing's going to get done with complaining.
all of us may be in deep shit, one way or another, but that doesn't excuse selfishness and self-centeredness. the world doesn't revolve around you- get over yourself!

being the intuitive fish-girl that i am, i absorb all kinds of energy and i absolutely get so down when everyone's negative all around me. i don't know how to figure out NOT to get affected by people's moods. i always have to create a balance myself and i get pretty impatient and snappish to people who can't. i know, i know, that's something i gotta work on my own too.

learn to accept things you have absolutely no control over. repeat at least 5x a day. throw in some lavender incense sticks. inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale. dammit, gimme that ciggie.

skill # 1

Despite of all that I've learned, all that I've done and achieved, it is the simplest of things I cannot do- that is, to let go. Be detached! Detach yourself!, that old hag of a professor used to say, she of the half-slip fame. Maybe she was right after all. One thing for sure- that empty space after you've let go? That's just what it is- empty. Lonely.

working it

Memo photoshoot with Bam Aquino,

saling-pusa/art director wanna-be :-)