is fun, teehee :)

oh my ... heeh...

weekending

oh my gosh, something is definitely wrong with this picture. over the past months my grocery bills have spiked up and i've been in a buying mode. so not healthy.
my retail therapy: i bought me new happy doodle olive green eye make up from body shop, a pretty pink blush from maybelline, and a nude lippie from avon (a steal at only 99!) yihee :)
maybe i should chalk this up under :medical expenditures:

so we went to do the grocery and bought dvds to watch at home. didn't get home until 9ish. strange how doing these errands used to relax me and now...it's not doing the job. haha.
it's really supposed to be a nice way to spend sunday- a nice, leisurely lunch, (window) shopping and doing groceries, capped off by dvd marathons.
which brings to mind, my focus has shifted to a lot of different things too. remember when i was talking about how i have changed a lot? well, the things that i do have changed as well. maybe because of my new gig, but because i need to be more responsible (equals more stress), i need to find ways to entertain myself more. not that i don't appreciate simple joys anymore, but i find myself having less time to read, write and do my own things. then there's the upcoming volunteering gig, the weekend commitments, which i really, really wanna do but i find that i don't have the time. ok sweetie, say it with me- learn to say no. sometimes.

oh, the many things that i want to do- so little time, and so little motivation. heeh.

for now, a lot of plans are up in the air. with january closing in, i feel a need to write these down, once again. i guess i haven't changed much, really. i am still a digital, oc-freak :P

strange relatives of mine- a tita called my mom specifically to ask if i had gotten married already. haha, it is now officially starting, that period in any single girl's life when family and friends think that your main objective in life is to get married and hence try to pair you with any single guy they find. i shall call this phenomenon, musical chairs syndrome ;)

survey sezz

Your chief characteristic: firstly, passionate and second, child-like
Your favorite qualities in a man: integrity and passion (for what he does, life, living)
Your favorite qualities in a woman: strength of character, grace in faith
Your favorite qualities in friends: loyalty
Your biggest flaw: impatience
Your favorite pursuit: erm…happiness? :) mostly artistic (naks!)- photography, literature, music, movies :)
Your idea of happiness: available light + interesting subjects = lovely photos (among many, many others. I’m cheap and mababaw :) )
Your idea of misery: no music
If not yourself, who would you be? a pre-school teacher, a pre-Raphaelite muse, or at the very least, a published author living in my own dream beach house
Where you would you like to live? on my own island
Your favorite color and flower: moss green and white lilies
Your favorite heroes in real life: common, unsung and ignored people all around who make my life easier
Your favorite name: Sebastian, Elizabeth and Jade
Your pet aversion: inconsistency and flakers!
What gift from nature would you like to have? the ocean! ALL of it! *mwahahaha*
How would you like to die? in my sleep, or at least peacefully- no minus moments getting run over or getting all yucky and wa-poise!
What is your present state of mind? Giddy. Hopeful. Kaya ko ‘to. Fun. All at the same damn time. Hehe.
–Based on The Marcel Proust Questionnaire

*ok guys, tag, you’re it! Copy-paste and answer your own. And yes, chunkie, I can’t NOT answer just one! :)

curiouser and curiouser...

an old friend told me that he's had a crush on me ever since.
and another friend advised that in case am on the lookout for a boyfriend, i should keep in mind a common friend who, he tells me, has always been interested.

me, in cynic mode: what the hell for? if they were interested, all they ever had to do was come up and talk to me!

me, in sappy mode: aaaw, how sweet!

still me, being me (i guess), in variations of:
whaaat... that is my problem beeh-caaause?!
and now they're telling me! pffsh.

for whatever its worth, it did made me laugh.

midweek moomba

in a spontaneous run to moomba,

from the bottom of ziggalicious' dancing,

fluttering heart, the kaladkarin gang

someone once told me

that people change for two reasons: either they learn enough that they want to or they've been hurt enough that they have to.

well well well...so 'yun na nga. i feel that i have changed drastically, both for the better and the worst, if that is at all possible.
if being honest and saying what i want and think, standing up for myself (as tactfully as possible) makes me a bitch or masungit, then so be it. i can honestly say i do not care what other people think, and i say that matter of factly. i am more quite concerned with my self-acceptance than looking outward.
this new gig of mine, where i :inherited: mga anak (ie. people to manage) is new ground for me and it's been one hell of a ride. everyday, i am stretched, tested, wrung though a drier and sometimes it gets toxic. at the end of it all, it's been my choice. standing up for it and being accountable for it gets me through my days. the rewards have been great, not amazing, but getting there, getting there.

yeap, i have changed but i am still the same sweet sane silly crazy girl i know, thank god. new things, lots of new things, new places to be at, different beliefs, same simple joys, hoping for the same dreams, creating new wishes, rushing to tomorrow, balancing my today, taking every day one at a time, reinvention.
for once, in a long time, would you believe, i do not have a 2, 3 or 5 year plan? gosh. it kinda feels free.

psyche-delish

it is so true, that learning theory that says adults are just bigger versions of children- we have really short attention spans! so it's not really a surprise that i'm doing a decent job at this new gig- hah! dealing with all sorts of people is really sharpening up my psych theories... and when i say all sorts of people, i mean *all* sorts...from the nice ones to the really special ones. the ones that pretend to be mainstream. hah, part deux.

---

i chanced upon this article on abcnews. look for the philippines! amazing. http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/Health/story?id=1806125&page=1

pyro-gyrowow

we went to the world pyro olympics last jan 12 and most of the time, we were making like amazing race contenders to get to the mall of asia on time and then after the event, we had to look for a ride back home. over all pretty stressful but it had it's moments. the show was pretty great though and save for the rush before and after, i wished everyone was just chill and enjoyed the moment. plugged into my own soundtrack, the sky that night was lit up like my own private media player visualization.

and oh, bought cutie stuff at topshop. yihee. pick-me-up undies and a vintage-y ring to go with my fave current piece- a vintage long necklace i stole from my mom- heeh :)

a year ago

i wrote this... jan 6, 2006. akalain mo?!

at a loss
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most
saying something and wishing you had not
or saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart
But if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple
because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.

It does it on its own....
When you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had
But that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much
For fear that the other person does not care as much, or at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because
your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid.... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie.... the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have
or could have had.

No one waits forever.

happy new whatever

so what.

let me be a scrooge and a harbringer of gloom and doom.
i'm fuckin' tired of pollyanna.

so what's with the new year shit when everyone's still the same sour old piss?

bah, hambug.

christmas friends